alsemero

In response to:like an unwelcome guest ...

2009-07-17T23:33:53+02:00

Talk about cynism, look at this scary example from sweden

http://doctor-cheat.blogspot.com/

In response to:like an unwelcome guest ...

2009-06-11T22:07:13+02:00

I punched in the word, writer on the list of tag lines, and your blog jumped out at me from the screen.
The, I will not be cynical mantra was something that should have been drummed into my head years ago.
It would have saved every relationship I have messed up, torn apart, and then thrown away.
And on that cheerful note, I'll be on my way.
Thank's for the advice, I should have read it years ago. Being a cynic has ruined my life, and spoiled the lives of people who have loved me.

In response to:like an unwelcome guest ...

2009-05-16T18:35:00+02:00

Especially as your own skin gets older and wrinklier, and you wonder where the young one went!!!
I try to buck myself up with a very simple and stupid thought, especially when I see someone young and so happy in their own skin, you're either getting older and thinking these thoughts or you're dead. And I'd rather be alive - at the moment anyway.

In response to:denial ...

2009-04-16T13:46:50+02:00

I know you're right ... but ain't life difficult and complicated sometimes?

In response to:denial ...

2009-04-08T14:08:13+02:00

I think yes - if you love the person you are with.

In response to:denial ...

2009-04-06T22:02:34+02:00

Common advice says to follow your instincts and be drawn in.

Measured advice would be to tread carefully

Careful advice would be to protect yourself (ok, thats my advice to myself and it doesn't work)

Is there something that stops you from following instinct? Is there a reason for you NOT to? Is it a valid reason or an excuse? And how would the pain of denial compare to the possible happiness of being drawn?

In response to:denial ...

2009-04-06T15:34:58+02:00

I have never done that. I bear the scars though. x

In response to:conspiracy theories ...

2009-03-27T17:27:24+01:00

Agree with you. Am reading some great books about Evolution and Darwinism. Evolved life also looks planned but is the result of events that shaped it. But it's not all arbitrary..

In response to:conspiracy theories ...

2009-03-26T14:38:44+01:00

Some people like to believe that they are not in control of the events that surround them, but in fact that things are being manipulated by a higher power. It excuses their own short-comings while also gives them something to chase that they will never catch.

The truth is, events are often unordered, meaningless and arbitrary and it's difficult to come to terms with that.

In response to:bittersweet ...

2009-03-17T20:22:55+01:00

And there's the beauty too of moments you can revisit - moments that always fulfil.

For me that would also be sitting looking out over the sea where we go on holiday every year. And as you have experienced the 'memory lingers on'

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

In response to:bittersweet ...

2009-03-17T10:04:37+01:00

And how many of these moments do we have? And equally, how many moments do we have of 'pass, moment, you are terrible'?

'Oh what a beautiful, terrible thing life is.'

In response to:bittersweet ...

2009-03-16T23:25:03+01:00

Goethe's "STOP, MOMENT, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL". X

In response to:and some days ...

2009-03-10T19:15:53+01:00

I look in the mirror and remember being 15 when I couldn't believe my face would ever change!
And I look in the mirror and wonder where all the time went.

In response to:and some days ...

2009-03-06T17:46:52+01:00

I don't. I'll never know, and gave up a long time ago even asking.... x

In response to:why oh why oh why ...

2009-03-02T13:18:29+01:00

My thoughts exactly!!!

Had been miserable for bout 10 days but that all changed Friday morn, woke feeling really good and I am so relieved as had no idea why I felt like crap!!

In response to:Boxed in

2009-02-24T19:59:55+01:00

I tried to be positive on a last minute walk around the block just now. But it's always the same things! Or something to be stressed about! More houses being built, more traffic! And the nicest bit is a golf course that they want to sell and build on - - just a bit more stress!
However there were some small things - the crows landing on a lamp post - I don't think they see the urban ugliness, and the blue tit producing a loud springtime call from a bush, and the snowdrops and crocusses in the gardens. So it's also about the small things.

In response to:Boxed in

2009-02-09T14:48:25+01:00

Much though I envy the fact that you've lived in Florence (I haven't even visited it ... it's on my list) I do think you're right about it being 'inside', not the place. I've become aware of a shift in my attitudes to a more positive view of things and realise it is as much about changes inside of me as external circumstances.

In response to:Boxed in

2009-02-08T12:55:18+01:00

Yes. Man's reach should outstretch his grasp. Great quote.
The confined place is our house! And getting older.
Hemmed in mostly by paying for the mortgage! Dreaming of moving somewhere else. Bored by the walks outside the house. Freelance ennui!
But actually I felt the same ennui in Florence, living there in the 1980s. So it isn't about place! It's inside.

In response to:Boxed in

2008-12-21T11:05:13+01:00

Wise words. I cannot bear to be boxed in and yet, each time I break free I cause so much pain to myself and others. But I must. We all must stay true to ourselves, mustn't we?

In response to:if we had to choose ...

2008-12-19T20:17:55+01:00

Both.
A word of advice - never make a woman choose. It'll take her for ever.

In response to:inexplicable forces

2008-12-17T22:57:52+01:00

Your problem lies in the sad fact that you always look for reason and order. Even where there is none.
My Chaos is perfectly disorderly.

Signed
God-himself

In response to:contradictions

2008-12-12T10:58:31+01:00

People are complicated...

We can be dualistic yet remain grounded if we maintain an internal dialogue without striving too hard for self-knowlege...

Its a multi-faceted minefield ...

We can only wish each other well in picking our way through it !...

:)

In response to:contradictions

2008-12-10T15:14:56+01:00

It depends what you mean by the 'deep-down-inside-level'. At a fundamental level we are all the same, we need food, light, water, warmth - basic animal needs.

Beyond that, we are all so different and that's what makes us all so interesting.

In terms of 'You' I don't believe the majority of people reading it would recognise themselves in it. Some would, arty-farty sensitive types like me probably; others wouldn't.

My wife, for example, thinks its bollocks. She doesn't relate to its contents because she is an uncomplicated person with her feet firmly on the ground. Many other family members and friends are similarly grounded.

Equally, I know people who are more likely to relate to the sentiments of 'You'.

It isn't meant to be a statement that suggests a level of superiority or increased understanding of human nature. It's just a reflection on how I see the world.

In response to:contradictions

2008-12-09T14:16:34+01:00

We may all look different and present a different "external" face to the world, as you say.

But we are (almost) all the same at the deep-down-inside level. Some of us know that and some of us don't. The ones that don't know, understandably think that they are special.

Your earlier post "You...." perfectly echoes this point. The majority of people reading it would recognise themselves in it; but some would say exactly that, with awe, as if they did not know this was the very basis of the human condition.

In response to:this is the ...

2008-12-04T14:31:09+01:00

Then I am but a sliver of reality away from that. xLux

In response to:fall apart ...

2008-11-15T23:28:19+01:00

But moping about has a certain decadent, bohemian feel about it. I indulge occasionally, it's most satisfying. Panic attacks, on the other hand, are harder to control...xLux

In response to:fall apart ...

2008-11-13T14:32:37+01:00

Yes. I thought I'd killed off that particular demon but apparently not, which pisses me off a bit but at least I'm pissed off rather than moping about.

In response to:fall apart ...

2008-11-12T22:00:25+01:00

It called a panic attack, Alsemero. Panting, vigorous use of chinese fans and heaving of chests in old Pride and Prejudice money. God, I miss blogging.

In response to:You ...

2008-11-12T13:50:21+01:00

The short answer is, I'm not sure that I do fit anywhere really because, wherever I am, something in me questions and doubts that situation and so I think about alternatives and opposites.

I can be more comfortable in some situations than others, more at ease, so I'm not a complete neurotic fruitcake. In fact, I'm pretty laid back most of the time. And it makes me a pretty empathetic person because I can, invariably, see the other point of view.

Having said that, I don't think this is unique. It is the notion of being 'the outsider'.

In response to:You ...

2008-11-06T23:42:42+01:00

So...where is it you fit? You. Not us.